Let's talk about "Adopted: When love is not enough"

DON'T FORGET TO WATCH THE HOW-NOT-TO-MESS-UP-YOUR-KIDS VIDEO ON THE PRODUCER'S WEB SITE!! If you didn't get the slip of paper with the password, or if you lost it, let us know.

And remember, that password is only good through SATURDAY!

No, it wasn't an easy movie to watch.

Race does matter. Culture does matter. Our differences do matter. What our children have lost can haunt them.

Some of the things I heard as the lights came up:

• They shouldn't have made a movie about a woman who is so deeply disturbed.
• We're so lucky to have been able to learn from the mistakes of the families that adopted from Korea 30 years ago.
• Don't fool yourself into thinking we're so different from the families that adopted from Korea 30 years ago... I hear people say, 'My daughter is absolutely fine with all of this, being Chinese is just not an issue" all the time. They're not here today to see this.

There's a lot of emotion caught up in this, and a lot for us to learn and apply to our own families. What are you thinking, troops? What wisdom can we share?

I came away very grateful that we take Chinese lessons every week. And that we live near Irvine, where all the little girls in ballet class look like my daughter. That we managed to find a Chinese-American day care provider who has become an integral part of our lives. And that we're waiting for a mei-mei, so my daughter will have someone who looks like her in our family.

I also came away a bit frightened. It made me go over all the reasons we decided it was OK to adopt a child from China and take her away from her homeland, and rehearse how I will discuss those reasons with her someday. It hardened my resolve to make more meaningful entries into our Chinese-American community, and to ensure that my daughter makes many trips to China, to understand its madness and its splendor as much as a Chinese-American can.

I'm sure there are a lot more lessons I should have learned....

Adopted: When love is not enough

This may be one of the most difficult, and most important, films you will see as an adoptive parent.

• 2 p.m. Saturday, April 25
• Carden Conservatory, 5702 Clark Dr., Huntington Beach

"Adopted reveals the grit rather than the glamor of transracial adoption. First-time director Barb Lee goes deep into the intimate lives of two well-meaning families and shows us the subtle challenges they face. One family is just beginning the process of adopting a baby from China and is filled with hope and possibility. The other family's adopted Korean daughter is now 32 years old. Prompted by her adoptive mother's terminal illness, she tries to create the bond they never had. The results are riveting, unpredictable and telling. While the two families are at opposite ends of the journey, their stories converge to show us that love isn't always enough."

Folks will get a password to access an educational video at the filmmakers' web site. The password will be good for one week after the screening, so be sure to visit before that week is up.
We're asking for a $5 donation per person. (Our license fee is $150, and we have to cover the cost of the rental space, light snacks and tissues. If we get more than 50 people, we can start knocking some of that cost down.)

Child care (led by a Chinese-language teacher) will be provided for a fee that will depend on how many sign up, not to exceed $8 per child.Check out the trailer by clicking here.

Check out the filmmaker's web site, including reviews, by clicking here.